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Facing denial, notably when it occurs frequently, is not a great feeling. Someone is turning you down, delivering a firm “Nope.” Being an author, I am well acquainted with rejection. I commenced submitting story ideas 50 years back, just after finishing university. From that point, I have had multiple books turned down, along with article pitches and numerous short stories. In the last 20 years, concentrating on commentary, the denials have grown more frequent. In a typical week, I get a rejection multiple times weekly—amounting to in excess of 100 each year. Cumulatively, denials over my career run into thousands. By now, I could have a advanced degree in rejection.

However, does this seem like a woe-is-me outburst? Far from it. As, at last, at seven decades plus three, I have embraced being turned down.

How Have I Managed This?

Some context: Now, just about each individual and their relatives has rejected me. I’ve never counted my acceptance statistics—it would be quite demoralizing.

A case in point: recently, a publication rejected 20 pieces in a row before saying yes to one. In 2016, no fewer than 50 publishing houses declined my book idea before a single one approved it. A few years later, 25 literary agents passed on a nonfiction book proposal. An editor even asked that I send articles less often.

My Seven Stages of Rejection

When I was younger, each denial hurt. I took them personally. It seemed like my creation being rejected, but myself.

Right after a manuscript was rejected, I would start the process of setback:

• First, disbelief. How could this happen? Why would editors be overlook my talent?
• Second, denial. Maybe they rejected the mistake? It has to be an mistake.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What do editors know? Who appointed you to judge on my labours? It’s nonsense and their outlet is poor. I refuse this refusal.
• Fourth, frustration at those who rejected me, then anger at myself. Why do I put myself through this? Am I a glutton for punishment?
• Subsequently, negotiating (often accompanied by optimism). How can I convince you to acknowledge me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Then, depression. I’m no good. What’s more, I can never become accomplished.

This continued for decades.

Great Examples

Of course, I was in fine company. Stories of authors whose work was at first rejected are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every writer of repute was originally turned down. If they could succeed despite no’s, then possibly I could, too. Michael Jordan was dropped from his school team. Many US presidents over the recent history had earlier failed in campaigns. The filmmaker says that his Rocky screenplay and desire to appear were rejected numerous times. For him, denial as someone blowing a bugle to rouse me and persevere, rather than retreat,” he remarked.

The Final Phase

Then, when I entered my 60s and 70s, I achieved the final phase of rejection. Understanding. Currently, I more clearly see the multiple factors why someone says no. For starters, an editor may have just published a like work, or have something in progress, or simply be contemplating something along the same lines for a different writer.

Alternatively, less promisingly, my pitch is not appealing. Or the reader believes I am not qualified or standing to be suitable. Perhaps isn’t in the market for the wares I am submitting. Maybe was busy and reviewed my submission too quickly to see its quality.

Feel free call it an realization. Everything can be rejected, and for any reason, and there is pretty much little you can do about it. Many explanations for denial are forever not up to you.

Within Control

Others are within it. Honestly, my proposals may from time to time be ill-conceived. They may not resonate and resonance, or the message I am trying to express is poorly presented. Or I’m being obviously derivative. Maybe something about my writing style, particularly commas, was annoying.

The key is that, regardless of all my long career and rejection, I have succeeded in being widely published. I’ve written several titles—the initial one when I was middle-aged, another, a memoir, at retirement age—and over a thousand pieces. These works have appeared in newspapers major and minor, in regional, worldwide sources. An early piece ran when I was 26—and I have now written to various outlets for half a century.

Yet, no bestsellers, no author events in bookshops, no spots on talk shows, no Ted Talks, no book awards, no Pulitzers, no international recognition, and no Presidential Medal. But I can more easily handle rejection at this stage, because my, admittedly modest successes have cushioned the jolts of my many rejections. I can now be philosophical about it all now.

Valuable Setbacks

Denial can be helpful, but provided that you pay attention to what it’s trying to teach. Otherwise, you will almost certainly just keep seeing denial the wrong way. So what insights have I acquired?

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